Chapter 2: Recommendations 1, 3, & 4

When presented with the issue of caring for an aging parent, there is little knowledge gained over time that will prepare you for this daunting task, especially if the parent loses their independence rapidly. The first recommendation to aid children in responding to challenging situations is to response to a parent’s anger and frustration with empathy, rather than questioning them. It is important to try to understand the types of feelings and thoughts that one experiences in advancing age, such as frustration with the limits placed on their once-healthy body and fear of their inevitable death in the near future. The parent may take their anger out on the person closest to them, perhaps their child, and in this case, it is best to express your wish to help them in any way. There really is not anything within our power to reduce their symptoms of disease or to ease their discomfort with a frail body, but showing support and caring for them can help ease their suffering and comfort them by knowing they are still cared for and loved.

Secondly, it is important to remember that an aging parent still needs to have their own space and attempt to complete some activities of daily living, even if they are too impaired to accomplish all of them. It is good to help at their request, but if a child attempts to do too much for the parent, they will feel worthless and lose their desire to live. If the parent is encouraged to try to continue to care for themselves in some ways, it will help to increase their self-worth decrease chances of depression. Also, encouraging them to socialize with other elders in the nursing home or other facility in which they reside will help them to have a feeling of community and friendship, rather than isolation and loneliness.

Recommendation 4 deals with a topic also covered in the text: reminiscence as a tool to help those in advanced age remember a time before they were sick or disabled in order to improve their overall condition. This is especially helpful for people suffering from dementia because they are able to recall events that happened in the past, while their daily activities are difficult for them to remember. When they remember the “good old days,” it takes their mind off their current condition and takes them back to a happier time. Children should encourage their parent to recall past events that were enjoyable and engage in the conversation when possible. Also, persuading their parent to reminisce with others in the facility would be beneficial to all.

Raising a Parent: Chapter 1

I found it interesting that the author speaks of growing up in Gary because I can certainly relate, for I am from a town located in Northern Indiana as well. The ethic segregation he described is still in effect to this day, although it is steadily decreasing with increased immigration from other regions and countries. The city I was born in, Elkhart, is similar to Gary in its reliance on factories, which has lead to its great downfall with the current recession. In addition to similarities in the location, my parents also forced me to take part in activities that my heart was not in, all though it was sports rather than religion. I can completely relate to the author’s desire to miss even one meeting, without avail. At the time, I had no interest in playing sports and exercising constantly, although over time I grew to be quite a decent athlete with their assistance. Looking back now, I do see that keeping in shape was beneficial and helped to keep me healthy, if nothing else. I now have a desire to return to the exercises, although not the game itself.

He speaks of elders who have lost their independency as being seen as “out of touch” or a nuisance, which is very sad to think that a person can be reduced to such. However, this is a very real situation. I volunteered at a hospital during my high school years, and it always was disturbing to hear my peers speak of the patients in a terrible manner. Regardless of their condition, they are still human beings that deserve respect and compassion. This also brings to mind many instances in the news of abuse in nursing homes. It is unbelievable how widely these beliefs spread in our country.

When the time comes that our parents reach an age or deteriorated state in which they depend on us as we depended on them growing up, it is a chance to slightly repay them for the things they gave up for us. It was not until recently that I realized how much time, effort, and money my parents put into making sure I was happy. When I was young, it was my understanding that every child was treated as well as I was and never denied anything they needed and very little that was desired. I have now come to the realization that I was treated very well and much better than others, which I try to compensate for now as much as possible. However, it would not be possible to do as much for them as they have done for me.