When presented with the issue of caring for an aging parent, there is little knowledge gained over time that will prepare you for this daunting task, especially if the parent loses their independence rapidly. The first recommendation to aid children in responding to challenging situations is to response to a parent’s anger and frustration with empathy, rather than questioning them. It is important to try to understand the types of feelings and thoughts that one experiences in advancing age, such as frustration with the limits placed on their once-healthy body and fear of their inevitable death in the near future. The parent may take their anger out on the person closest to them, perhaps their child, and in this case, it is best to express your wish to help them in any way. There really is not anything within our power to reduce their symptoms of disease or to ease their discomfort with a frail body, but showing support and caring for them can help ease their suffering and comfort them by knowing they are still cared for and loved.
Secondly, it is important to remember that an aging parent still needs to have their own space and attempt to complete some activities of daily living, even if they are too impaired to accomplish all of them. It is good to help at their request, but if a child attempts to do too much for the parent, they will feel worthless and lose their desire to live. If the parent is encouraged to try to continue to care for themselves in some ways, it will help to increase their self-worth decrease chances of depression. Also, encouraging them to socialize with other elders in the nursing home or other facility in which they reside will help them to have a feeling of community and friendship, rather than isolation and loneliness.
Recommendation 4 deals with a topic also covered in the text: reminiscence as a tool to help those in advanced age remember a time before they were sick or disabled in order to improve their overall condition. This is especially helpful for people suffering from dementia because they are able to recall events that happened in the past, while their daily activities are difficult for them to remember. When they remember the “good old days,” it takes their mind off their current condition and takes them back to a happier time. Children should encourage their parent to recall past events that were enjoyable and engage in the conversation when possible. Also, persuading their parent to reminisce with others in the facility would be beneficial to all.
